So, you’re excited about getting back in the dating world. You have been thinking of putting yourself in the dating market for some time now. Maybe you have been single for a while, or maybe you just got divorced or ended a serious relationship.
It is really important to know how to catch bad relationship signs, check all about this in 7 Red Flag Behaviors when Dating, but it is also equally important to know when you are ready to date.
If you had a recent break up, the first thing you have to do is to take the time to make sure you are healed from your past relationship. You don’t want to bring old baggage or trauma into your next relationship. That’s not fair to the new person or to yourself, so make sure you take time to heal. Check this article where myself and other experts share tips for getting over a break up HERE!
So, how do you know when you are a good catch?
- You’re really over your ex. There’s no anger or longing toward him/her. If you’re still feeling anger, you’re not recovered from the pain of the relationship.
- You know more about what you want, but not looking for an unrealistic thing either. There's a difference between what’s ideal and what is acceptable. Not every trait of the person can be ideal.
- You have the right mindset: A relationship will add to your life, not complete you. If you’re feeling unhappy with your life and think that having a relationship will solve your problem, think again. Feeling content with yourself and where your life is going is a much better place to start a relationship so that you know you will be picking someone to add to your life positively rather that to fill up gaps--which never works btw!.
- You have your life in order first: your hobbies, activities you love, finances, health, etc.
- You have your own support system, friends, church/temple, family.
- You have an overall sense of feeling that you love yourself: you inherently feel you are worth being loved and treated well, doesn’t mean you don’t have some insecurities (we all do).
- You are ok with talking about what you want and need in a relationship, and you know how to say it kindly. You understand that people have different ways of feeling loved. To learn how to communicate effectively, check out my blog 5 Ways To Turn Your Communication Around in Your Relationship.
Next, you want to audit yourself and the love department. What’s your history with love? What were you taught when you were a child about love? What did you learn in past relationships about love? Sometimes we have to do some un-learning and re-learning.
Once you have done the healing process and you feel ready to day, here are some things you can start doing:
- Take care of your body: Go to the gym, yoga, dancing classes, eat healthy, anything that nourishes and moves your body
- Lead a life of purpose: Do you have a purpose in life? Who do you want to be when you grow up? or what path are you currently following?
- Become the best version of yourself: Find out how you can improve yourself and do it.
- Get clear about what you want in a relationship: What kind of partner do you want?How do you want your relationship to make you feel?
- Never compromise being who you are: Always be yourself. It's okay to make compromises in your relationship, as long as you never stop being yourself.
- Find happiness within yourself: Can you make yourself happy? do not look for another person to make you happy. Find way to make yourself happy.
- Know your worth: Value yourself. Others will treat you how you treat yourself.
- Learn how to love yourself: What good qualities do you have? are you proud of who you are? Would you date yourself? Treat yourself and others how you want to be treated
- Speak your mind but more importantly learn how to listen to other: Speak in way that you let other know how you feel but still be respectful and listen to what others have to say.
Your therapy friend,
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SOFIA M. ROBIROSA
Sofia Robirosa is the owner of Infinite Therapeutic Services and is a Relationships & Parenting Expert. She offers individual, couples, and family counseling to individuals seeking to enhance their relationships. Her private practice is located in Plantation, FL. She attended Nova Southeastern University for both her Bachelor and Master Degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy and in Business Administration. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Leader in Active Parenting for children and teens, an evidenced based program. She is also a Certified Addictions Professional (CAP). She is a passionately committed therapist, who thoroughly takes pride and joy from her job. She enjoys working with a culturally diverse population and is bilingual in Spanish and English. She is a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and an active volunteer of the Broward Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. She loves her family, which consists of her husband, daughter, and two dogs. Some of her interests outside of work include spending time outdoors, traveling, and dining.