Apart from the physical pleasure you get from sex, sex also helps couples keep their relationship healthy and happy. When it comes to sex, men and women are as different as day and night. Whereas men are quickly aroused and can be ready in seconds for intercourse, women are slow and require a little more attention to be in the mood. It is easy for a man to think of sex and immediately be ready to go. But for most women, simply thinking of sex will not always do the trick.
And that is when foreplay comes in to play, making the relationship fun and it prepares you mentally, physically, and even emotionally ready for sex.
In many instances, foreplay is understood to be a sexual act that precedes intercourse. Foreplay is thought of as the physical acts, such as caressing and kissing your partner to set the right mood and have enjoyable sex. Which in part is true, but really it consists of all the actions you take throughout the day is, which increases the chance of having enjoyable sex in your relationship.
Here are some examples of what I mean:
- Have some alone time: This might sound like the opposite of foreplay, but think about it, after a busy day taking care of children, working, or running errands, women (and men) will need some time alone to relax and pamper themselves so that they can feel sexy and be ready to engage in sex. For many it difficult to want to engage in sex when they are tired or distracted.
- Avoid criticism: We all like to be told nice things, but men tend to ask more for verbal affirmations and less criticism from their partners. In relationships, words such as” I like how you...” or “I am grateful for...” are powerful and will go a long way to show your man how much you appreciate him. A man will appreciate when his woman compliments him, and hand-written “thank you” or “I love you” notes hidden in different places will mean a lot.
- Doing something new and exciting: With time, couples may lose the sexual connection they used to have during the early period of their relationship. In long term relationships, it is easy to have the same routine every day, but this can be monotonous and boring. Couples need to try something new and exciting to bring back the groove. New things to do together as well as new things in the bedroom. Trying different positions when having sex in new places can be thrilling and fulfilling, and wearing something sexy that will take your partner’s breath away. For more ideas to spice up your sex life, check out my blog “50 Hot Tips To Spice up your Relationship”
- Give a helping hand: Helping each other in the relationship is important, and for women this tends to be a frequent request. When a man helps the woman with cooking, washing dishes, playing with children, and helping with homework, she feels wanted and loved. These simple acts are highly appreciated, and the couple will feel much connected. It also helps with reserving some energy to engage in sex.
- Go on a Romantic get-away: Often, couples need to spend quality time away from children and work to reconnect. Being on their own without distractions creates a great atmosphere to relax and reignite the flame. Being with your partner in a different place can help reveal another side of them and connect with the person you love.
- Improve stress management skills and get enough sleep: Lack of sleep can lead to anxiety or depression that is likely to affect your relationship, especially your sex life. A person who has not slept well in days can lower libido, yet great sex can help one sleep soundly. Sex can also be a great way to relieve stress because, during sex, hormones that lower cortisol are produced. Other great stress management tools are: exercising, eating a well balanced diet, meditation, socializing, and journaling.
- Work at having excellent Foreplay: Maintaining desire in a relationship depends so much on what happens inside and outside the bedroom. Partners can start sending naughty messages to each other throughout the day, showing affection, or dressing in a sexy manner. These gestures will get the ball rolling by setting the right mood for great sex later.
- Talk about sex: You need to be able to talk about sex with your partner to have a great sex life. Here are some tips on how to talk about sex with your partner:
- Don't talk about sex DURING sex
- Pick a neutral place to talk about sex (not the bedroom)
- Don't blindside your partner
- Start slow
- Refer to sex as "intimacy" or "closeness"
- Express fears, worries, and dreams
- Talk about your fantasies
- Tell each other what feels good
- Talk frequently about your sex life with your partner
- Work on having great foreplay on the daily
Great sex life has many health benefits for both partners, and sex is paramount to relationships therefore, quality intimacy and closeness are vital to a happy marriage. But don't forget that to maintain desire in relationships is about what happens OUTSIDE of the bedroom as it is what is happening INSIDE the bedroom.
Is sex declining in your relationship? Check out my blog “What To Do When Sex Declines In a Relationship”
Your therapy friend,
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SOFIA M. ROBIROSA
Sofia Robirosa is the owner of Infinite Therapeutic Services and is a Relationships & Parenting Expert. She offers individual, couples, and family counseling to individuals seeking to enhance their relationships. Her private practice is located in Plantation, FL. She attended Nova Southeastern University for both her Bachelor and Master Degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy and in Business Administration. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Leader in Active Parenting for children and teens, an evidenced based program. She is also a Certified Addictions Professional (CAP). She is a passionately committed therapist, who thoroughly takes pride and joy from her job. She enjoys working with a culturally diverse population and is bilingual in Spanish and English. She is a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and an active volunteer of the Broward Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. She loves her family, which consists of her husband, daughter, and two dogs. Some of her interests outside of work include spending time outdoors, traveling, and dining.