How to Maintain Sexual Desire in a Relationship

In Couples, Sex Life by srobirosa

Do you miss the sex that you used to have with your partner? 

Do you feel your sexual chemistry has faded along with your desire to initiate and engage in sex? 

Do you want to spice up your sex life and feel the fiery passion you used to feel again?

When we first meet someone we are interested in, there’s attraction, curiosity, courting, dating, bonding through intimacy, and commitment–which can often be the highlight of one’s relationship. After marriage (and sometimes when moving in together), experts call the honeymoon stage six months to 2 years in a relationship when things may feel “perfect.” The relationship is carefree, fresh and exciting, and intimate, both emotionally and physically, fully blooming. After the honeymoon stage, one usually begins to notice faults, imperfections in their partner, which at times transitions the mood of the relationship from carefree to tense. Along with feeling more irritable or disconnected, passion and sexual intimacy can fade. In relationships, passion and sexual desire can wax and wane, leaving one or both partners to feel as if they wished that their relationship was as it was “before.” 

Sexual desire is defined as the sexual urge to want to initiate and engage in sex. Sexual desire can fade for a multitude of reasons, including but not limited to:

  1. Low self-esteem or self-confidence
  2. Hyper/Hypoactve sex drive conflicts in a relationship
  3. Some medications 
  4. Sexual Dysfunctions, such as sexual arousal disorder or erectile dysfunctions 
  5. Anxiety
  6. Depression
  7. Fear of positive sexual performance 
  8. Hormonal Imbalances
  9. Birthing of children 

Improving sexual desire can be complex due to the many contributing factors that could be impacting it. Sexual desire is important in our relationships because it helps with our partners’ spiritual, emotional, and physical connection. In relationships, there are ways that we can improve sexual desire and keep the passion alive.

So here are tips are some tips for maintaining sexual desire:

  1. See a medical professional. Some sexual desire and decreased libido can be a medical issue that a doctor can assist you with. 
  2. Make quality time. Spend time together enjoying activities and hobbies. Schedule date nights. In relationships, it is vital to make time for one another; connecting without distractions such as cell phones, television, and work is essential for initiating quality time with your partner in the most intimate way possible. 
  3. Kiss Often. Gottman shares that kissing for 6 seconds or more can help promote a happy, healthy relationship and sex life. 
  4. Talk about it! It’s important to have a conversation with your partner about sex. Focus on your wants, needs, likes/dislikes, and fantasies with your partner. Take turns reflecting on what you want and feel could be better sexually in the relationship. 
  5. Change it up! Change sex initiation patterns. Initiate sex differently and talk about how you would like your partner to initiate sex.
  6. Reduce expectations on both yourself and your partner. Be in the moment. Focus on each other and enjoy one another.
  7. Penetration does not need to be the focus or definition of sex. Oral sex, masturbation, and just touch can make an excellent sexual encounter. Additionally, it helps with changing things up and to learn more about each other’s bodies. 
  8. Orgasm does not need to be the end game. Enjoying one another, feeling connected in a physical way is what’s important. Even some sexual practices, such as tantra, are not orgasming to keep the sexual tension alive. So whether you get into tantra or not, the point is to reduce expectations and pressure of performance. 
  9. Spice it up! Try out new positions, play sexy cars games, and explore your erotic side. 

Have fun exploring and enjoying each other!