How often have you heard that “you are lucky for having found each other” or that “you are so lucky to have found someone that loves you so much”? What does it really mean to be lucky? Is it because we are doing the right things at the right time?
When people see a happy couple and one that complements each other well, they think they are lucky they have found each other. They have no idea what goes on behind the scenes! Even lucky couples have bad days. There's no such thing as “finding the perfect partner.” Even the best couples will have their share of bad days where they don’t see eye to eye on important issues.
Here’s the deal: You can be lucky in choosing a partner willing to put in the work with you, but let’s demystify the idea that relationships happen purely out of "luck". Don't believe all you see on social media because people put their happy pictures but do not depict the struggles they have overcome together while things did not look so "lucky”.
The long term relationships that seem “lucky” to have found each other are putting in the work. Have you ever heard this phrase: “Never stop dating each other even after getting married?” In a nutshell, this phrase is telling us that courtship should not stop at the altar, it is something that we need to continue to do after being married to keep the relationship strong. Why? Because when we are courting one another, we have the mindset that we need to put our best effort to not lose your significant other. This mindset is very important for successful marriages.
So, you may be wondering what I mean when I say that lucky couples put in the work. Here are 6 skills that lucky couples seem to practice regularly:
Reconciling after an argument Arguments will always be present in a relationship, no matter how healthy it is. Couples may argue about anything, from the TV show to watch, to house chores and money management. The way to a happy relationship is to address a problem when it arises. Talking it over after a tense moment is a good thing. When people fail to iron out their differences after a disagreement, it can create room for anger and resentment.
Open communication. Letting your spouse know about your feelings is crucial in order for them to understand you better and strive to meet your needs and wants. Never assume your partner knows how you feel about a particular issue. For example, if you dislike how he throws his clothes around instead of placing them in the laundry basket, let him know. This will help you from resenting him every time you go cleaning after him.
Make time for each other. Even though you may be busy with work and taking care of the kids, try to set some alone time for just the two of you. Try to talk and spend some time together on a daily basis, even if it is 15-20 minutes.
Understand that you can't have everything you need from your partner. A partner cannot fulfill your every emotional need. Maybe you feel that your partner doesn’t meet your needs as you believe they should. The goal of finding a life partner is not to complete us, or to make us happy. Our sense of completeness and happiness should be something that is experienced independently from the relationship, and our partner is there to share life with you.
Date each other. When you are in a relationship for a long time, the spark seems to disappear. The monotony of everyday life can make you forget what it was like when you first met. To rekindle your love, plan for regular dates, where you dedicate the time to just the two of you, to appreciate each other and reaffirm your love to each other. Take your wife or husband to a romantic dinner, treat him/her with special care, and declare your love for him/her. Also, surprise your partner with gifts from time to time to show your appreciation. These actions will go a long way to keeping your “fire” burning.
Talk openly about your sex life. Opening up to your partner about what you like and what you dislike during sex is the first step to helping them understand your desires. Discussing your sex life helps you and your partner to achieve maximum pleasure. Also, try out new ideas to spice your bedroom and make your sex life more pleasurable. Additionally, in every relationship we are bound to have droughts, so if we are not used to talking about sex when things are going well, it may be harder to do so when we are struggling in that department.
Honestly, there’s nothing like being in a lucky relationship. To enjoy a happy relationship, it just requires some awareness and effort to make it work. Even the happiest couples have their lowest moments and what matters is that they choose to solve their problems and support each other.
Your therapy friend,
Sofia
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